Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
