I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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