Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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