Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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