Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
