I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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