Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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