i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
