I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
