i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
