We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
soo... how was my night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
