Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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