You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
