You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
