i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This is my gift to your gina
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
