i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
