went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
