I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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