Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
