I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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