I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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