What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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