I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
