when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
