after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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