I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
