3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
