He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
