so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
