Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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