You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He passed out mid-signature
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
