am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
