apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
