vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
