Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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