Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
