She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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