well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
