Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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