Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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