He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
