It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
