operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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