Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
