every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
