Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
