I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
