I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
