I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
