good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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