I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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