Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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