what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
