Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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