70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can feel your judgement through the phone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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