I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
