your parents love me but you hate me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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