Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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