is your mom at the bar?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
