so explain again why im purple
no
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
