Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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