chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
